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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 09:16
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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 09:16
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Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune.
I am not young enough to know everything.
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
I think \'Hail to the Chief\' has a nice ring to it.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that\'s how dogs spend their lives.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Finagle\'s Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
It\'s not that I\'m afraid to die, I just don\'t want to be there when it happens.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
It\'s wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
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Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
I\'m Jewish. I don\'t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You\'d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
If you can count your money, you don\'t have a billion dollars.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn\'t cure.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
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It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
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The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people.
If it wasn\'t for lawyers, we wouldn\'t need them.
Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
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Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
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A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
I\'m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
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Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
In America, anybody can be president. That\'s one of the risks you take.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it.
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Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they\'re yours.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I\'m not there, I go to work.
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
I\'m Jewish. I don\'t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
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Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
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Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
The company doesn\'t tell me what to say, and I don\'t tell themwhere to stick it.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
I\'ve just learned about his illness. Let\'s hope it\'s nothing trivial.
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The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I\'m going to miss mine by just a few days.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don\'t work, those that break down and those that get lost.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
I am not young enough to know everything.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
I\'m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
It\'s not that I\'m afraid to die, I just don\'t want to be there when it happens.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said \'no\'.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
I have an existential map; it has \'you are here\' written all over it.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Finagle\'s Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
A man\'s only as old as the woman he feels.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
I\'m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
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Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
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It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I\'ll never know.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Honolulu, it\'s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife\'s mother.
Raymond\'s Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
Marry me and I\'ll never look at another horse!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn\'t go away.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
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Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
A physicist is an atom\'s way of knowing about atoms.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they\'re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it\'s fantastic.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don\'t need to be done.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
I\'m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She\'s 97 today and we don\'t know where she is!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
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It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
They laughed when I said I\'d be a comedian. They aren\'t laughing now.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
I\'m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
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Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Hanlon\'s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don\'t need.
But at my back I always hear Time\'s winged chariot hurrying near.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
I\'m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
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Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Hanlon\'s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Computer dating is fine, if you\'re a computer.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
最終更新日 : 2012/01/17/(Tue) 23:14
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